March 30,2020
EEE WHAT'S TO DO?

DIG OUT OLD TALES AND COMPILE ANOTHER STORY.

HITS FOR G.B. TALES SO FAR  1,127,514. IT WAS FUN TO RELIVE IT ALL.

 


Posted by Charlotte Madison at 12:51 0 Comments
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March 29,2020
2ND PHONE CALL

                                   Welcome the Weekend

 

“Oh Hello Hon.”

                “Mother, I was so glad to see the weekend come!”

            “Friday, a man got on my bus, headed for the last vacant seat and settled himself beside a thirty year old young woman.

            Instantly she began to scream, “Don’t touch my seat! Don’t touch me! That’s my seat and you can’t have it, you - - - - -“. She went from silence to berserk threatening to kill him. He replied with epithets and she continued to screech. “I’ll kill you, you- - - - - Driver stop this bus!” And she formed a gun with her fist to shoot at the passenger.

             I pulled over to the curb at a stop light and sat there watching as she scrambled off my bus and then ranted and roared down the street as one demented. I felt so relieved that she had left and defused the situation without a serious problem.

            The dash light flashed ‘on’ indicating another passenger at the back door wanted to leave and then it flashed off, so when the street light changed, I pulled away from the curb. Again the air was purple with obscenities. This time it was directed at me.

            “Why didn’t you let me off?” It was a seventy year old man who now took up the call. As I pulled over to stop, he continued to shout and curse. “Why don’t you pull up and let me off! You let her off.”

             “I have stopped Sir.” I called back. He continued to holler and I muttered TO MYSELF, now you’re as nuts as her. I took a deep breath to regain my composure and called out to him “Get off my bus!”   but he just continued to holler

             I closed the door and drove 10 feet. “You want to get off or do you want to come with me?”

             The old man debarked.

            As I closed the door I thought, two of them in one block! I drove out into traffic trying to shut the incidents out of my mind. At each stop departing passengers patted my shoulder and stepped down leaving me with encouraging comments.

             I had a few moments to relax at the end of the line then I headed back into the city centre for the rush hour. I pulled up at Georgia opened the door to load passengers and there he stood, waiting for me – Jesus, long hair, beard and robes, pointing at me and hollering “Praise the Lord!” Jesus saves!” Then ominously he wagged his finger at me and said, “YOU, are going to Hell!”

                     I replied, “Not today!” and slammed the door on them all.

            A passenger moved to the vacant seat behind me and said, “You have a lot to put up with, dealing with passengers like that, as well as driving a bus in all this traffic.”

             “You don’t know the half of it Sir.” I replied. “Today, that guy was the least of my problems.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“CHARLOTTE, LEE PUT BUS PAPERS IN THIS FOLDER, YOU HAVE A GO WITH IT. THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING YOU COULD USE IN THE BOOK.” ONE LOOK AND I DECIDED TO INTERSPERCE SOME OF THOSE COMPANY MESSAGES WITH THE DRIVER’S TALES.

 

NOW, IF YOU SEE A BUS, A DRIVER AND PASSENGERS YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THE DRAMA THAT GOES ON INSIDE EACH BUS, EACH DAY, FOR EVERY DRIVER.

I WILL LEAD OFF DRIVER’S TALES, COMMENDATIONS AND FAMILY TALES CONTRIBULTED TO THIS COLLECTION WITH ANOTHER OF THE THREE PHONE CALLS TO MY BUS DRIVER’S MOTHER AND END WITH TALE # 3.

 

 

 

 

                                   Welcome the Weekend

 

“Oh Hello Hon.”

           Mother, I was so glad to see the weekend come!

            Friday, a man got on my bus, headed for the last vacant seat and settled himself beside a thirty year old young woman.

            Instantly she began to scream, “Don’t touch my seat! Don’t touch me! That’s my seat and you can’t have it, you - - - - -. She went from silence to berserk threatening to kill him. He replied with epithets and she continued to screech. “I’ll kill you, you- - - - - Driver stop this bus!” And she formed a gun with her fist to shoot at the passenger.

            I pulled over to the curb at a stop light and sat there watching as she scrambled off my bus and then ranted and roared down the street as one demented. I felt so relieved that she had left and defused the situation without a serious problem.

            The dash light flashed ‘on’ indicating another passenger at the back door wanted to leave and then it flashed off, so when the street light changed, I pulled away from the curb. Again the air was purple with obscenities. This time it was directed at me.

            “Why didn’t you let me off?” It was a seventy year old man who now took up the call. As I pulled over to stop, he continued to shout and curse. “Why don’t you pull up and let me off! You let her off.”

            “I have stopped Sir.” I called back. He continued to holler and I muttered, now you’re as nuts as her. I took a deep breath to regain my composure and called out to him “Get OFF my bus!”   but he just continued to holler.

            I closed the door and drove 10 feet. “You want to get off or do you want to come with me?”

            The old man debarked.

            As I closed the door I thought, two of them in one block! I drove out into traffic trying to shut the incidents out of my mind. At each stop departing passengers patted my shoulder and stepped down leaving me with encouraging comments.

            I had a few moments to relax at the end of the line then I headed back into the city centre for the rush hour. I pulled up at Georgia opened the door to load passengers and there he stood, waiting for me – Jesus, long hair, beard and robes pointing at me and hollering “Praise the Lord!” Jesus saves!” Then ominously he wagged his finger at me said, “You, are going to Hell!”

            I replied, “Not today!” and slammed the door on them all.

            A passenger moved to the vacant seat behind me and said, “You have a lot to put up with, dealing with passengers like that, as well as driving a bus in all this traffic.”

    “You don’t know the half of it Sir.” I replied. “Today, that guy was the least of my problems.”

 

 


Posted by Charlotte Madison at 01:50 0 Comments
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March 28,2020
3RD BUS TALE - WITH COMPUTER VIRUS

• PHONE CALLS TO A BUS DRIVER’S MOTHER
 
• “Hello Mother, it’s Lee. Nana called from Safford and said you
 
• weren’t answering your phone. Are you okay?”
 
     When he had assured himself that I was fine, he added, “Oh, I’ve got something to tell you, SOMETHING FUNNY that happened today.
o
      It was my last run for the day and I was in a good mood, almost time to go home. I pulled up at the bus stop at ** & ** opened the door and a woman at the head of a queue stepped onto my bus.
o
      “Can ya believe that Ron?” she asked as she dropped her coins into the box and looked back, jabbering to her companion.
o
      She was in her late forties, frowsy, shabby, and boarding the bus in a bad area. She was drunk. She bent over, stared me in the eye and breathed on me as she loudly uttered,, “Driver, would ya believe it, I just met my old boy friend, haven’t seen him fer fifteen years!”
o
      With my shift almost over I couldn’t resist being a little playful with her. “Is that good or bad?” I asked with feigned interest.
o
      “Bad.” she answered. “Oh that’s really bad, he’s a drunk and a drug addict.”
o
      ”Well,” I replied, “its good you dumped him when you did.”
o
      “Driver, can ya believe it,? Fifteen years, I haven’t seen him for fifteen years!”
o
      Eventually she and “Ron” moved down the aisle and found seats but I could still hear her ranting. “I can’t believe it Ron, my old boy friend, I just saw my old boy friend after all this time.” The woman continued to discuss the matter loudly and as always happens, when a noisy passenger rants, silence falls on the other passengers.
 
  o    Over and over she marveled at the meeting that had just transpired and with each telling she got louder and seemingly drunker.
o
      After ten or so stops she suddenly blurted out, “He says thank you to all the passengers! Ron the bus driver says thank you to every one. Can you imagine that Ron?”
o
      A couple more stops and “He says good bye to everyone! Ron, look! See? He says good bye to every one of them! He is the politest driver I’ve ever seen.”
o
      I began to worry. sensing that she’d cause a problem of some sort when she eventually left the bus and sure enough, when she stood to leave she walked to the front instead of leaving by the side door.
o
      I braked to a stop and as I opened the door, instead of stepping down, she turned to me and said, “Honey, you are the nicest bus driver I have ever seen in all my life. I have to give you a kiss.” And she lunged at me with all my passengers silently killing themselves and the people lined up to board staring transfixed.
o
      I backed against the window, held my hands up to ward her off and said, “We are not allowed to kiss the passengers Ma’am.”
o
      She took it very well and off she went with “Ron” in tow saying to all the passengers waiting to board. “He is the best bus driver I have ever seen. He is so polite, I will remember that driver as long as I live.”
o
      And I had visions of later years, while in a dignified conversation with a distinguished aquaintance, at that most inopportune moment, being “remembered” by a strange and rather frightening woman in her eighties, who with the years, had confused things. “Ron, Ron, I have to talk to that fellow. He’s my old boy friend. Haven’t seen him for thirty years.”

Posted by Charlotte Madison at 11:48 0 Comments
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March 27,2020
THIRD PHONE CALLS TO A BUS DRIVER'S MOTHER

FINAL PHONE call # 3

 

March 14 2004   24/12

 

“Hello Mother, it’s Lee. Nana called from Safford and said you weren’tanswering your phone . Are you okay?”

            When he had assured himself that I was fine, he added, “Oh, I’ve got something to tell you, SOMETHING FUNNY that happened today."

              "It was my last run for the day and I was in a good mood, almost time to go home. I pulled up at the bus stop at ** & **, opened the door and a woman at the head of a queue stepped onto my bus."

               “Can ya believe that Ron?” she asked as she dropped her coins into the box and looked back, jabbering to her companion

                    "She was in her late forties, frowsy, shabby, and boarding the bus in a bad area. She was drunk. She bent over, stared me in the eye and breathed on me as she loudly uttered,, “Driver, would ya believe it, I just met my old boy friend, haven’t seen him fer fifteen years!”                            

                  With my shift almost over I couldn’t resist being a little playful with her. “Is that good or bad?” I asked with feigned interest.

                   “Bad.” she answered. “Oh that’s really bad, he’s a drunk and a drug addict.”

                    ”Well,” I replied, “its good you dumped him when you did.”

                     “Driver, can ya believe it,? Fifteen years, I haven’t seen him for fifteen years!”

                      Eventually she and “Ron” moved down the aisle and found seats but I could still hear her ranting. “I can’t believe it Ron, my old boy friend, I just saw my old boy friend after all this time.” The woman continued to discuss the matTer loudly and as always happens, when a noisy passenger rants, silence falls on the other passengers."

                     "Over and over she marveled at the meeting that had just transpired and with each telling she got louder and seemingly drunker."

                      "After ten or so stops she suddenly blurted out, “He says thank you to all the passengers! Ron the bus driver says thank you to every one. Can you imagine that Ron?”

                         "A couple more stops and “He says good bye to everyone! Ron, look! See? He says good bye to every one of 'em! He is the politest driver I’ve ever seen.”

                           "I began to worry. sensing that she’d cause a problem of some sort when she eventually left the bus and sure enough, when she stood to leave she walked to the front instead of leaving by the side door."

                              'I braked to a stop and as I opened the door, instead of stepping down, she turned to me and said, “Honey, you are the nicest bus driver I have ever seen in all my life. I have to give you a kiss.” And she lunged at me with all my passengers silently killing themselves and the people lined up to board staring transfixed. I backed against the window, held my hands up to ward her off and said, “We are not allowed to kiss the passengers Ma’am.”

                     "She took it very well and off she went with “Ron” in tow saying to all the passengers waiting to board. “He is the best bus driver I have ever seen. He is so polite, I will remember that driver as long as I live.”

                  And I had visions of later years, while in a dignified conversation with a distinguished acquaintance, at that most inopportune moment, being “remembered” by a strange and rather frightening woman in her eighties, who with the years, had confused things. “Ron, Ron, I have to talk to that fellow. He’s my old boy friend. Haven’t seen him for thirty years.”            

 

PLEASE EXCUSE MESS BUT MY COMPUTER IS ILL. 

 

 


Posted by Charlotte Madison at 09:37 0 Comments
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March 26,2020
MY COMPUTER TURNS OFF SO I MUST RUSH

PHONE CALLS TO A BUS DRIVER'S MOTHER

“Oh Hello Hon.”

     Mother, I was so glad to see the weekend come.

Friday, a man got on my bus, headed for the last vacant seat and settled himself beside

a thirty year old young woman. Instantly she began to scream, “Don’t touch my seat!

Don’t touch me! That’s my seat and you can’t have it, you - - - - -.

    She went from silence to berserk threatening to kill the man. He replied with epithets

and she continued to screech. “I’ll kill you, you- - - - - Driver stop this bus!” And she formed

a gun with her fist to shoot at my passenger.

     I pulled over to the curb at a stop light and sat there watching

as she scrambled off my bus and then ranted and roared down the

street as one demented.

     I felt so relieved that she had left and defused the situation without a

serious problem.

     The dash light flashed ‘on’ indicating another passenger at

the back door wanted to leave and then it flashed off, so when the

street light changed, I pulled away from the curb.

     Again the air was purple with obscenities. This time it was directed at me.

   “Why didn’t you let me off?” It was a seventy year old man

who now took up the call. As I pulled over to stop, he continued to

shout and curse. “Why don’t you pull up and let me off! You let

her off.”

   “I have stopped Sir.” I called back. He continued to holler

and I muttered to myself, now you’re as nuts as her.

   I took a deep breath to regain my composure and called out to him “Get off

my bus!”   but he just continued to holler

     I closed the door and drove 10 feet. “You want to get off or do you want to

come with me?”

     The old man debarked and as I closed the door I thought, two of them in one block!

     I drove out into traffic trying to shut the incidents out of my mind.

       At each stop departing passengers patted my shoulder and stepped

down leaving me with encouraging comments. and smiles

     I had a few moments to relax at the end of the line then I

headed back into the city centre for the rush hour. I pulled up at

Georgia Street, opened the door to load passengers and there he stood,

waiting for me – Jesus, long hair, beard and robes - pointing at me

and hollering “Praise the Lord!” Jesus saves!” Then ominously with squinty eyes,

wagging his finger at me he said, “YOU, ARE GOING TO HELL!”

           I replied, “Not today!” and slammed the door on them all.

         A passenger moved to the vacant seat behind me and said, “You

have a lot to put up with, dealing with passengers like that, as well as all this

rush hour traffic.

       “You don’t know the half of it Sir.” I replied. “Today, that

guy was the least of my problems.”

 


Posted by Charlotte Madison at 05:37 0 Comments
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March 21,2020
PHONE CALLS TO A BUS DRIVER'S MOTHER.

 MY SON LEE KEEPING WAS A VANCOUVER BUS DRIVER AND USED TO PHONE ME AND TELL ME STRANGE THINGS THAT OCCURRED IN HIS DAY. SO ON ONE OCCASION I DECIDED  TO PUT THE PHONE ON SPEAKER AND TYPE AS HE SPOKE THEN I WOULD SURPRISE HIM WITH A BOOK. SADLY HE DIED AT FIFY-NINE AFTER I HAD RECORDED ONLY THREE TALES. 

 

PHONE CALLS TO A BUS DRIVER'S MOTHER.              M              

“Hello?

           “Hello Mother, I just had to call and tell you what happened on my bus this morning.”

           “Oh that’s nice dear.”

                  “Well not so nice – you see at 8:15 this morning I was driving down Cambie Street near Queen Elizabeth Park, when I stopped for passengers. A heavily clad man

got on my bus. He was normal size but looked so bulky. He was wearing a trench coat, gloves, a hat with the brim pulled down low on his face, welding goggles and a black dentist’s mask over his mouth. He was carrying a hockey stick upside down with a goalie’s mask hanging by a rope from the stick.”

                  The man clanged around behind my seat as he propped up his stick and then he stood there in the aisle right behind me.

                  He took off his gloves and then put them back on and removed his trench coat and hung it over the bar. He removed his gloves again and then put them back on – four times! Next he removed his sports jacket and hung it over the bar.   He took off his hat, goggles, dentist’s mask and placed them along the seat.

                  These were followed by the removal of his golf jacket, sweater, shirt and tie. Clad in his slacks and undershirt he hung up the rest of his clothes. And I decided I’m going to have a Full Monte here! If the undershirt comes off I will put him off the bus.

           Meanwhile I’m trying to drive a bus – that looks like someone’s sloppy bedroom – down Cambie street while I am shaking with laughter. In the midst of the morning rush hour I was trying to drive and yet make sure this passenger wasn’t going to go too far. I slowed down and checked the hilarious faces of the passengers, all of whom were totally silent, the proverbial pin could have been heard while they tried to stifle laughter and curiosity.

                  I glanced back in my mirrors frequently and saw the gloves going back on and off and decided my bus looked like a drycleaner’s establishment and then he began to make very strange noises, which******h I determined were coughs and sneezes.

                  Then suddenly, the clothes and accessories went back on and I thought, maybe when he is fully dressed and masked, he will attack my passengers – or me!

                       At the corner of * * and * * he left my bus. I was so relieved I stood up, turned to my passengers and said, “I’ve been driving passengers around in my busses for nine and a half years but this one takes the cake!”

                  That opened the floodgates and forty people began to give me their impressions and plans. One man said “My adrenalin was really pumping and I knew exactly what I’d do Another said, “I was waiting for the first bare skin and then . . . if . . . ”


Posted by Charlotte Madison at 07:36 0 Comments
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Archives
March, 2020
February, 2020
January, 2020
For over forty years, painting related totally to the American Southwest. It was people of the dry hot desert, solid mesas, cacti, stone and canyons that made my heart leap.

When I realized I would never see the desert again, I began a search for something to paint. Nana suggested, B.C, vineyards and took me to Penticton where I did one painting. Nana and Gary then began to take me on Mystery tours of the island and always included a vineyard. But they all were so green! So many leaves so many trees - I don't do trees and I rarely use green - dont really like looking at green, but I got started on a duty series not an inspired series.

I guess it was July or early August when we were driving home from a winery visit. I was grousing about painting the Festive Flying Grape series when Gary said "Start another series, you can work on more than one at a time."

For some reason those words triggered the words "I could paint the Island artists!" Nana and Gary agreed and it was the topic of conversation all the way home

For a while I was afraid I wouldn't get volunteers to pose but it is rolling and each one offers something special to inspire me. And it is lovely to feel all I am doing was sparked by Gary and like all I do, supported by Nana.

April Update 2012 Sixteen fine artists, many of national repute, have posed for Artists of Vancouver Island and many are booked or promised. There will be no poses after June 30,2012. When I have painted all twenty-five I will turn my thought to . . . what next?